If you have gone through a breakup while not actually being over your ex, wondering "should I text my ex" is completely normal.
The answer of whether or not you should text your ex will depend on your current situation. If you want to get them back, you most likely shouldn't text them yet. You will first need to follow all the advice in this guide.
Texting your ex is a controversial topic and everyone has their opinions about it.
I promise I will do the best I can in this article to cover this topic as detailed as possible.
Let's begin.
Can You Get Your Ex Back?
Wondering the answer to that question? I've created a quiz that will tell definitively if you still have a chance with your ex or if you should consider moving on...
Click this link to take the quiz and find out definitively where you stand...
Should I Text My Ex?
The answer is not as black and white as it seems.
If somebody stopped me on the street and asked me "should I text my ex or not?" my immediate answer would be:
It depends.
In most of the situations though:
No.
You shouldn't text your ex after a breakup if you want them back unless...
You know exactly what you are doing.
Texting them without knowing how to do so properly can have tragic consequences.
Directly after a breakup though you should never text your ex if your wish is to be getting back with them.
If you have been reading other articles on this blog you probably already know that I'm a huge proponent of employing no contact.
Basically, after breaking up you don't contact your ex at all for at least 30 days.
I'm assuming that if you are thinking about texting your ex you already know that you need to take at least a 30-day break from contacting them before doing anything.
For that reason, we aren't going to cover no contact more in-depth during this article but if you want, you can check out a detailed no contact guide here.
Alright, before I teach you what you should be doing I'm going to give you some advice on what to absolutely not do.
When Should You Absolutely Avoid Texting Your Ex?
There are a lot of scenarios where texting your ex after a breakup is a terrible idea.
As a good first example, please don't drunk text them out of the blue sky without planning this out.
Look, I know you miss them badly. I know it hurts.
If you are going to be texting them though, you need to establish a plan on how you are going to start building back attraction between the two of you.
Your texts need to hold some value.
Don't contact them just to wish them happy holidays. Doing this does absolutely nothing for you.
Wishing them Merry Christmas is not the right way to break the silence between you two and it most definitely isn't going to help you build back lost attraction.
Texting useless stuff is not the right way to go about this. Even if it is a holiday.
The only reason why you should ever even text your ex is if you are absolutely certain that you want them back and you are willing to do what it takes to resurrect your relationship.
Just because you are feeling lonely is not a good enough reason to text them. You need to actually be sure that you will change what led to your breakup in the first place so you can work on getting them back.
Also, your ex needs time after your breakup. Probably lot's of time. Sometimes even the 30 days of no contact is not enough and you need to prolong your silence.
If they are feeling super emotional or your relationship generally ended in a very negative way, you definitely need to wait more than 30 days.
Getting your ex back is all about building back that lost attraction subtly.
Another thing: if your ex gets into a new relationship right after you two break up, don't contact them under any circumstance.
If you find your ex dating another person right after you two have broken up, 9/10 times it's a rebound relationship and it's not going to last so don't ruin your chances to get them back just because you are jealous.
If your ex gets into a rebound relationship, don't ruin your chances of getting them back by acting jealous.
So, as you can see above there are quite a few reasons to not text your ex after a breakup.
If you have no idea what you are doing, texting your ex can be the fastest route you can take to never getting them back and staying single.
Eventually, you will still have to establish contact with them.
Honestly, texting your ex is not the bad idea here.
Texting your ex the wrong way though...
That's a terrible idea.
So, if you are going to eventually text them, I highly recommend following a structured texting planthat teaches you everything you need to get them back step by step.
This way you avoid screwing things up in a major way and earning a ticket to single city. That's not what you want, isn't it?
So, Should I Text My Ex At All?
As I said at the beginning of this article, before you even think about contacting your ex through text messages, you need to give them space and time by employing no contact.
You see, after the breakup, your ex will be naturally feeling a lot of stress and negative emotions both about you and about the breakup.
Once these emotions start fading a little bit, you can start thinking about contacting them again.
You need to let your ex neutralize their emotions for a while before contacting them.
If you jumped the gun before you read this article and you have already texted them before starting no contact, don't panic.
But, if you have already did beg your ex to take you back, I don't recommend just starting no contact all of a sudden and expecting everything to be fine.
You need to send them one last text first.
What you need to do is send them something where you apologize for your emotional behavior and tell them that you were very stressed out which made you act so emotional.
After that, you need to start no contact immediately.
You see, right now your ex probably thinks they have all the power. They think you are the one chasing them and they could get you back any chance if they wanted so.
What you're accomplishing with no contact is flipping this thought around.
All of a sudden you take the power away from them.
Imagine you are two weeks into no contact and your ex suddenly hits you up with a text message and you completely ignore them.
Since they are so used to always getting a response from you they will start to wonder what's happening.
Eventually, they will be constantly checking their phone and wondering why you are not responding to them which then will make them more emotional.
All of a sudden it isn't you chasing them anymore isn't it?
Make your ex chase you and not the other way around.
This is exactly why no contact works so brilliantly and why I recommend employing it in almost every single breakup.
After No Contact
Okay, you completed no contact but how do you actually go about things now?
Should you still even text your ex at all?
Well, again, it depends.
You are not going to make them madly want you back just by sending a few text messages.
Texting can be an effective method for getting your ex back but only and I really do mean only when it's done effectively.
So, what kind of texts should you actually be sending to them?
Rule 1# Don't Be Boring.
After employing no contact, please don't throw all your hard work out of the window by texting them something boring like "hey" or "what's up".
Texts like these accomplish absolutely nothing and your ex might even leave you on read.
What you want to instead do is text them something that has value and makes them feel good instead of bored.
Rule 2# Remind Them Of Something Positive.
This is one of the best ways you can re-establish contact with them.
Now, a text like this is not easy to pull off I'll tell you that right away. There are risks associated since if you come off too aggressive you might seem desperate to them.
The goal is to tell them about a positive experience you had.
For example, you could tell them that you stumbled upon something that made you think about your ex for the first time in a while. It's very important that you don't forget to add that last "in a while" part.
"I just found that old ping pong table from my basement and it made me think about you for the first time in a while... put a smile on my face!"
Successfully pulling off a text like this is like a golden ticket.
A text like this can do wonders for you since you give your ex positive emotions and this text actually has purpose unlike "hey, what's up?".
Rule 3# Don't Be Always Available.
I highly recommend that after you start texting with your ex again, you put a delay between your responses so you seem like you don't really care that much.
Instead of responding to them immediately, wait a while.
Answer when you feel like it. That might mean waiting a couple of hours but you get to think about your response and you don't seem desperate.
Rule 4# Don't Reply With Essays.
As mentioned above, timing is everything when it comes to texting your ex but so is the type of your reply.
You don't want to write long texts where you ramble on about useless stuff.
Keep things short and snappy instead. The shorter the better in my opinion although you don't want to reply so briefly that it completely kills the conversation.
Short and snappy responses are the best.
Rule 5# Talk About Positive Things.
You want your conversations to be filled with positive vibes.
Don't bring up your past relationship or any drama that involves it under any circumstance, ever.
They obviously won't want to meet up with you again if you act like a negative jerk.
So, just try to keep things light, casual and funny. No drama and no talking about negative stuff.
Keeping things simple is the perfect way to start setting the tone.
Conclusion + Case Study
So, as you can see, the question of whether you want to be texting your ex or not is really dependent on your own goals and history with your ex.
If you do choose to go down the path of texting them, you'll want to pose completely as a friend for now.
You don't want to scare your ex away by flirting too early or bringing up something romantic. Save that to when you are actually meeting them in person. This is where you will be much better off flirting since you can use your voice tone and read your ex's reactions from their body language and face.
In fact, I have actually written an extensive case study about how I got my ex back and in it, I cover the topic of texting them.
If you want, you can read my case study of how I got my ex back right here. I have already gotten tons of positive feedback on it and people have told me that it helped them solve their situation.
If you have actually read and understood all the advice on this article, you are already much closer to getting that special someone back if you choose to go that route.
That's all for today folks, and I wish you the very best luck in your love life.